Secret ingredient of happy work culture: a touch of tenderness
Do you have this person at work, who keeps track of every team member’s birthday so that they could organize celebrations? I used to work with this amazing woman who put reminders on our calendars to write birthday messages for colleagues whose birthdays were coming up. Then she organized all the notes and stick to that their desktops when everyone was off work the day before the day. I felt amazing when my turn came and I saw the heartwarming decorations on my desk on my birthday.
However, it’s rare to see these kinds of gestures to be openly applauded and appreciated. In the USA, we often see the chantings for tangible achievements, like the successful organization of a workshop, summit, project or presentation. But we rarely see the shout outs for the successful organization of birthday celebration, sendoff for an old member, touring a new member around the office, etc. Any contribution of this sort is usually voluntary without any financial rewards, even though the effect is tremendous — it makes people feel loved in the team which would make them care for the team and contribute more.
“Tough vs. tender” work culture is a concept stems from a cultural concept “Masculinity vs. Femininity” from Geert Hofstede, a cross-cultural pioneer researcher. To emphasize, the concept is different from gender. When Hofstede said that a society is relatively feminine, he didn’t mean that people in the society were relatively girly, which is a frown-upon stereotype itself and I won’t get into. In a relatively feminine culture, people tend to prefer cooperation, modesty, caring for the weak, and quality of life. Sweden and Norway are a couple of examples of feminine societies. On the contrary, people from Masculine culture tend to chant for achievement, heroism, assertiveness, and material rewards for success. The US and China are geared towards Masculine. “Tough vs. tender” are the translation to the work context.
There are positives about tough work culture, for that it encourages visible power and drive for success. However, the downsides of a one-sidedly tough environment mean that competitiveness is likely to overshadow human connection and compassion. Everything needs to be well-balanced to be sustainable, and tenderness is the ingredient for it. What does tenderness look and feel like?
Recently I went to visit my old team. The team happened to have a brownie bake-off event and the organizer Elisa invited me. Elisa is a program manager whom I used to work with. She has been volunteering to organize these informal team events since she joined the team. It’s a voluntary act instead of a responsibility. I remember when autumn was approaching, she got multicolored leaves and wooden rings for us to make wreaths. When we moved into a new building, she provided us materials to make and customize our own coasters. When it got cold, she organized baking events, just like this brownie bake-off.
Everything is well thought out. The event invitation was almost two-page long, including the inspiration, instruction, and Q&A! Seven prizes were designed: The technical challenge (best brownie from scratch), the showstopper (best brownie from box mix), the signature bake (crowd favorite brownie), most chewy brownie, most fudgy brownie, most cakey brownie, and most chocolatey brownie. Her event philosophy is that everyone is welcome to participate and encouraged to be creative. You can buy brownies to participate if you have no time to bake. Additionally, everyone gains something meaningful (e.g., a handmade wreath, personalized coaster or some brownies made by coworkers!), and learns something new.
I arrived in the office and saw Elisa setting up the event like a busy bee. She covered the big table with clean brown paper sheets and labeled numbers next to brownies from 11 anonymous participants. Once it was set up and people gathered, she handed out the result and note sheets to every guest. “A note sheet?” One judge probably found it silly. “There are 11 types of brownies and you might get confused.” She smiled. The prizes for winners were some big beautiful cutting boards.
30+ guests from different functions were utterly enjoying the contest. Some took pictures of the beautiful brownies. Some cut a small piece from each brownie pile and laid them on a paper sheet, and tasted them one by one while taking notes. One judge said he forgot his thoughts after the first round of tasting and had to have a second round of tasting — or was that just an excuse? Milk was prepared if you needed something to wash down the brownies. Then came the time to reveal the chefs: they comprised both male and female, and explained the recipes and ingredients that they used — a few were actually bought from stores. Links to the recipes were provided in the event signup spreadsheet so that everyone would have the chance to make it at home.
What I took away from this story was that the thoughtfulness, inclusiveness, and creativity of the event philosophy invited involvement and participation, which later created joy and compassion. The heart and effort that were brought in would make an impact on the work spirit. These emotionally connecting elements would be very helpful for contributing to nurturing a creative and compassionate environment that is beneficial for collaborations. If you find your work environment too tough, maybe try to introduce some “tenderness”.
The whole world is geared towards Masculinity. My friend who is a “tough” co-founder of a nutrition company in Shanghai used to claim the team bonding efforts seemed to be a waste of time, but now she would like to try out this method because she sensed low work spirit. I am looking forward very much to seeing how it turns out.
